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Wednesday, December 19, 2018

What it's Like Being the Black Sheep of the Family at the Holidays | Random Rambles

This post has literally nothing to do with subscription boxes or beauty or even dogs, literally all I ever write about on here. Instead, it's something that's been in my head for some time and the words just started spilling out during a conversation with my mother this morning. I'm the child of the black sheep of the family on one side of my family and just the black sheep on the other. I've always been on the outside looking in on these close family dynamics.

Let's start with being the black sheep, the easier of the two. I'm a step-whatever on this side. The side where my mother and I married into. We weren't always accepted and I never felt 100% accepted by any of the family members (both alive and dead). I was treated as second class, only wanted because they felt like they had to require my attendance as to get along with my father (step, but he's my dad). I always was the one not to get invited to full Christmases (instead we were told they didn't do presents some years, but my cousins would misspeak and mention the presents they received) and I never got to play with my toys on Christmas morning because instead we were mandated to go to one bit of the family or another to 'spend time together.' I hate those words. This side of the family all but cut me off when my grandparents died (they didn't really want me either, they only tried around the holidays and once I got older) and just two weeks ago I find out via social media and news posts that my uncle is sick. Yay. I haven't spent a holiday with them since the year my grandparents died and have only seen them once since. Being the black sheep on this side left me with a desire for more. I wanted grandparents that wanted me, an aunt and uncle that enjoyed my presence, cousins that even though they were older, still wanted to play with me or hang out with me. Instead, I got family members that lied and mistreated me.

Now to what inspired this post. My mother is the black sheep of her family (this isn't news to her, she's known since before she should have). Being the child of the black sheep is about as fun as being the actual black sheep. I have family members that tout this picture-perfect family but that never wanted me around...that is until they got older and felt the need to 'get right with Jesus.' I could have had these awesome older aunts and uncles that got me into all sorts of trouble, cousins, and second-cousins that are near my age that could be doing dangerous stuff together at family holidays..all while being yelled at by the older generation that we'll hurt ourselves or each other. Each year there is the (family name) Christmas. The whole side gets together and they eat, be with each other, etc. The majority of these people all live no more than an hour from where I was born and still only an hour from where I live. They see each other frequently, going out to concerts or bars or dinner, and they always have this family thing. They've tried now to be kinder to my mother when it's convenient for them but never once asking if Kiersten was coming to something or if Kiersten would like to partake. 

Being the black sheep means they don't like you or don't want to be around you, being the child of one means you're forgotten.

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